A Pregnancy Alone - My First Experience As A Military Wife

We found out I was pregnant with my son shortly after my trip to Italy (by the way absolutely amazing & post to come)to visit my at the time Fiance! Needless to say it was a huge shock but we were both super excited, there was only one problem. He was still in freaking Italy! He wouldn't be leaving there until 2018 and then the royal freak out started to happen.

How is this going to work?
I will have a newborn and a six year old by myself!
Will he miss all the doctors appointments?
Will he miss the birth?
Can I go into labor without him?
Holy crap I seriously might die!
(Yes I am that kinda drama queen!)

I quickly realized I was in charge of everything. I picked my awesome new doctor and I didn't have to try and arrange the appointments around his schedule only mine. So that was a plus! I was amazed at how understanding the new Doctor's office was about my Husband being military. They told me I could face time every appointment if I wanted to and they would give me a ton of pictures with each ultrasound to send off to him. Granted we didn't get to Face time as much as I wanted due to the 7 hour time change but we did get some in!

Luckily for me my Hubby is normally calm, cool, and collective! He planned leave to come home for 15 days so we could get married. My original June wedding was pushed up to February ( so I wouldn't be about to pop pregnant) and we planned that easily and quickly.

The freak out was coming to a dull worry!

Yes, being without him sucked but I did get to throw a few surprises in there and his reactions were so worth it! For his birthday I had a 4D ultrasound done to find out the gender and one of our mutual friends that was stationed with him surprised him at work with a reveal box! The best part was she videoed the whole thing for me!

Yea, he thought it was a girl because it had "girly" paper. Joke was on him when that balloon was blue!

The internet is an amazing thing I was able to document the entire pregnancy for him through pictures and video.

As I got closer and closer to my due date we had a couple of scares that I was going to go into labor with out him but after being very careful and taking it easy I made it to 38 weeks! By the time he got home I could hardly walk it was more of a waddle and he was so excited when he got off the plane his face was blood red. I thought it was hilarious that my belly was so big I had to stretch up to kiss him.

He was just happy he got to see the waddle in person & laughed at me having to get up a thousand times a night to go pee! I never thought I would see a man find that funny while he was trying to sleep but mine did!

I was induced & Grayson was born four days later! He got to experience the birth & all the firsts that come along with it. He never left our side and stayed right there through the whole induction and even though I knew he was completely freaking out it never showed.

Our experience wasn't ideal but it was still perfect none the less. I have seen tons of freak out posts about husbands missing the births and missing the whole pregnancy & it makes me so thankful that I was lucky enough to have my Sailor make it home just in time. We made it work and I know others can to!

Now leaving me with a two week old and a six year old was a completely different story! (I'm sure there will be a vent blog post coming soon!)

Comment below and let me know about your birth story! For more about me and my family check out Random Facts Are Fun!

Comparison of My Top Two Baby Carriers!

Now that I am on my second baby I learned my lesson the first time about not holding them 100% of the time. So I wanted to find a really really good carrier. Something that would be hands free and I could do other things besides just be glued to the couch of the bed. Not to mention be able to go for a walk or complete a work out without feeling like someone just stabbed you in your spine.

So my first experience was with the J.J. Cole Wrap  they call it their Agility Carrier. It was only $39 and it came with the main criss-cross wrap and then a extra support shaw/wrap band. It was made well but it just wasn't comfortable. I have a long torso and it just never sat right on me and with Grayson as an infant he could just not stay in position. I wore it one time to my Daughter's dance recital and tried to wear it a few times at the house but it just never felt right.


I think with someone with a smaller frame or a smaller baby it would be great! It was a great idea for a wrap because instead of starting with just a shaw it actually shows you the back piece and the manual shows you all the instructions you need for the different fits.


So for my second purchase I got the one that I really wanted to begin with but instead of over $100 I went directly to the main website and found it on sale for $58.50! I LOVE MY LILLIE BABY CARRIER! I bought the Essentials because I know how hot my son gets and I doubt I would need it once it gets cooler outside. Most importantly it had to be Nautical themed!

It was super comfortable and fit well!  I love the extra thick band at the bottom as it really does help brace and give you a little extra support.  The shoulder straps are like that of a backpack so they are padded and adjustable. IT even has a cute little shade that you can put over your babies head. I would suggest this carrier for any of my friends!

It did an amazing job keeping Grayson nice and secure while I finished my work out and he even feel asleep in it!

Here is the link: https://www.lillebaby.com/sale/essentials-original-blue-maritime.html

It was a life saver at Eva's open house and he slept through the whole thing!

The Scary World of Mom Groups!

First of all HAPPY TUESDAY!

So funny story...I have a distant cousin of my Moms that is retired military and she messaged my Mom this week asking when we were moving and if we knew where we were headed yet. She proceeded to tell her how she was worried about me and how I would adapt to Military life. Can't really say that she shouldn't be worried because I have no idea how that is going to go. The conversation continued to how I needed to find a group of wife friends and be more friendly and go to groups or else they would rip me apart. Wait What?!

I am very much a introvert and would like nothing more than to sit at home with a glass of wine and just relax. So when the thought of having to go out and make new friends and try to find my new "group" was brought to my attention I practically cried. I have had the same group for years and not very many people come and go from that group.

So I decided I would join the Facebook world of Mom Groups. I just kept telling myself they can't be that bad and I might learn a few things!

I quickly figured out that there are many many many different types of these groups. Some are absolutely amazing and some are completely terrifying. Within minutes of being added to one I was sent a "background questionnaire" that consisted of questions like how long I have been married, have me or my husband ever had an affair, and are my children being raised in a church setting?! Oh yes, I quickly removed myself from that group! That leave group button could not have gotten clicked fast enough!

For the most part though these groups are filled with amazing working women or stay at home moms who are just looking for a new way to make friends or support their small business. I can relate as I barely have time to take a bath let alone go make new friends and schedule play dates. So these groups are an amazing way to make new friends and get to know one another. Take the good with the bad.

There are a TON of military spouse support groups and I have learned more from these strong women than I have from my Husband in over two years! I will get the hang of this wife thing in no time!

Warning: Just like anything else on the internet these days you have to be very careful of the reactions of others in these groups. Free speech in these groups really isn't free and cyber bullying is just as bad on adults as is it kids. If you find your self in a group like this, my advice would just be to leave the group and start your search over for that friendly, encouraging, and fun mom group! You don't need that kind of negativity in your life!


Sending good weekday vibes,

How Do I Afford Shakeology?

So the main question of the day is how does one afford Shakeology? There are a few different ways to look at it but I wanted to get out what works for me!

So I am a working Mom and my morning consists of telling my 6 year old to put on her shoes 100 times and trying to make her eat faster than a sloth in order to get out the door in time. I am a HUGE breakfast person and always have been. I could literally eat breakfast food for every meal of the day and never get tired of it.

When I started watching what I ate I quickly realized that pretty much none of my favorite breakfast foods were healthy and also full of carbs that were making my stomach hurt. So yes I gave up whipping into the Burger king or Chick-fil-a drive through every morning which was on average $6-$8 bucks a pop! Don't even get me started on Starbucks because that's a $10 order minimum! So at the very least, meaning I had will power that week, if I replaced my normal breakfast run with my Shakeology I was saving $112 a month. Plus, saving at least 15 minutes of my morning not having to go through a drive through!

So when I decided I wanted to go all in I GAVE UP MY FAST FOOD BREAKFAST!

So for me signing up to be a Discount Coach was a no brainer! Not to mention if I didn't like it I could send it all back within 30 days & get all of my money back! 

Now I have a career that I love and I have never liked the sales people who blast you with randomness but I am standing proof that the system works. I have lost inches from my waist, thighs, & working on getting my butt back. (My husband was terrified of me losing my butt!)
I just want to help other Moms who might be having a rough time finding a way to start their fitness journey and point them in a good direction.

If you are interested in Coaching or even sampling Shakeology you can comment below or go to my website and I would love to help!

What I Invested In My Beachbody Business

I read an article today that sparked my interest. (That's actually pretty rare btw!) The article covered multi level marketing businesses (MLM)and their fail rate & expenses. So I thought I would share why I chose Beachbody.

I was 6'0 and 114 pounds! You could see every bone in my body. 

My legs were the size of my arms and I had zero muscle mass! I actually thought I was fat! 

100 lbs heavier at 7 months pregnant with my daughter. 

Currently a size 12 and 191 pounds after baby #2!

I knew that I wanted to get in shape after I had my son & I realized that there was absolute zero way for me to leave two kids to be able to go to the gym for an hour or more a day. I work 40+ hours a week in Property Management & by the time I come home change clothes, kiss the baby, ask my daughter how school was, cook dinner, eat, get the kids in the tub, clean up from dinner, and get both babies asleep it is freaking 9pm! At that point I am exhausted!

Did I mention the reason I can't work out at lunch is because I have to go pick up my Daughter from school that is 2 hours round trip? So no lunch break for this Mom!

I started stalking and researching different Beachbody Coaches & their stories. I literally would stay up just to read everything on their pages and watch their Youtube videos.  I looked at all different kinds everything from the top ten in the company to the moms who signed up a week ago.

No one reached out to me, no one sent me 100 messages. I stalked them & I sent them messages, not because I wanted to gain this astronomical amount of new income to be a SAHM. I love my career! I asked questions they answered. I even watched not one not two but three sneak peek into coaching groups over the course of 9 months.

When I decided this was something I wanted to try I spent $176 dollars and some change! (Keep in mind between my Husband's gym obsession and his supplements I saved money lol!) I received a year of Beachbody of Demand (Netflix for workouts), my 30 day supply of Shakeology, a eating healthy guide, food containers to teach me portion control and a Beachbody shaker. When I bought this Challenge pack that waived my coaching sign up fee ($35) and then I had to pay $15 a month for Beachbody to create and maintain my website! So my total investment to become a Beachbody Coach was $176! THAT"S IT!

Everything I purchased was what I needed to start my fitness journey. I did not have to buy a product or keep a inventory. All I was asked to do was become a product of the product. Drink my shakeology (which I love) and complete the 25-30 minute workout a day with one of their many programs!

Now for the best part!

I have absolutely fallen in love with the community! Women supporting women! It isn't a competition or a sale thriving type thing. It is literally other Moms with kids doing the exact same thing I am! Talking about breast feeding, children teething, how they are covered in baby puke and encouraging each other to just complete that 30 minute workout! There have been times that 30 minute work out has taken me over an hour because baby boy woke up or the diva couldn't find that perfect barbie shoe and it required me to hit pause.

Some of us really aren't in it just for the money. If I can help someone just like me get out of the postpartum depression slump or someone who has moved away from friends and family and just needs that support I have earned back every penny of what I spent to sign up! 

So here is the article that sparked this conversation in my mind. I encourage everyone to read it because some of it has fantastic points! 

This is my Beachbody Website. Click Here! If anyone has any questions please comment or email me! I would love to just know someone is reading this besides my mother hahaha!

Top Five Pros & Cons of A Long Distance Relationship

There are so many Pros & Cons but these are my top 5 of each!

Pros:

1. You cherish the time you have. It doesn't matter if it is a two minute phone call while they are getting ready in the morning or a 30 day leave. You have their full attention and they have yours. Not like in a normal relationship that you feel like you might be ignored or to clingy. This makes for the perfect balance. 
2. You actually have real conversations. Have you ever had a conversation with someone that consisted of 1 or 2 words replies and you didn't really want to talk to them, you were just being polite? When conversation is all you have the "tell me about your day" conversations can last hours! You learn to express feelings and worries better because communicating through text and messages can be tricky. You actually have to get to know your significant other in order to understand the tones of different conversations. Example: I can tell when my Husband has had a rough day or feeling down in the dumps just by the words he uses in his messages without him telling me. Cause lets face it we all hate being asked what is wrong! 
3. The butterflies. Every time you get to see them its like the first date all over again! Its the best feeling in the world and that hug or kiss is just like your first all over again. (Except maybe a little less awkward.  
4. Arguing/Bickering. You learn to not sweat the small stuff. So what if he is a few hours late calling then what he told you he would, if he goes somewhere that doesn't have service that day and cant talk at all, or buys something completely pointless. Are you really going to waste 5 out of your twenty minutes bickering about something extremely insignificant?  You pick and chose your battles along with learning how to communicate better and realizing that your tone and how you say things can get misinterpreted and a very small problem can turn into a great big one. 
5. Knowing one day the distance will end. In the beginning it is scary because it could be months or years before the distance is no longer there but before you know it you will be able to see them & kiss them every day! I never would have known these few years would have flown by like they did with my Husband being overseas. In the beginning I remember thinking "how in the hell is this going to work" A few years, a wedding, and a baby later we are a few months from our move date & him being back in the states so I would say the excitement is pretty high and we are almost there! 

Cons:

1. Loneliness. Duh! Obviously this is the worst thing. Even in a crowd full of people with a baby giving you kisses, the feeling of loneliness creeps in on you. It is hard to deal with but you do find ways to work with it. I personally take a crap ton of pictures! That way when ever I start to feel down I can start flipping through pictures and it cheers me up. Talk about it a simple "I really miss you text" never hurt anyone and I am pretty sure that they would enjoy hearing it. 
2. Mind games. These are the worst! You worry if they are okay or if something has happened when they miss a phone call or haven't replied in a long time. You over think for no reason! You mistake their tired voice for a mad voice and start wondering what you did wrong. You second guess your self and your relationship because it isn't easy. It does get better and you work through. Talking is the best solution to any worries or problem in any relationship. 
3. Arguing/ Bickering. When you do slip up and lose your temper or have a jealous moment it isn't as easy as a random hug. You can't hug them or kiss them showing you are sorry, you actually have to use words. Have you ever gotten the silent treatment from someone on the other side of the world? Multiply the normal one x10! Then you realize that you have spent your only phone call arguing and now you wont be able to talk to them until tomorrow. Especially with social media being what it is trust is a main ingredient to a long distance relationship. You can't flip you lid and be crazy jealous when a girl likes his picture or comments on his wall. THIS IS CRAZY AND IT WILL NOT WORK! 
4. Jealousy. Not just your normal "he looked at a girl" jealous. The couple holding hands walking down the street, the couple slow dancing together at the bar, or the couple coming in to look for their new apartment together. You long for all the things that you can't have. You feel the green burn of jealously when he goes out with his friends, not because he is going out but because you would do anything to be going out with him.You just have to remember that this is the price you pay to wait on the one you love! It is 100% worth every minute. 
5. Having to say goodbye. Just imagine the heart break feeling of a breakup, you feel this every time you have to leave. I am by know means a crier but every time I have to drop mine off at the airport I lose it. Normally I can hold off until he is out of eyesight but you literally feel like you heart just left your body and got on a plane. 

These are my pros and cons but I would love to hear others! Please leave a comment below or send me an email! 

Thoughts of A New Military Wife Part 1

 

Upfront: I was so oblivious to anything Military prior to meeting my Husband that I had no idea that I had so many military members in my own family! I knew nothing about boot camp, deployments, duty stations, or any of the acronyms my Husband uses on a daily basis.

I started asking questions and learning the different things he would say and what they meant. Pinterest & Google were by best friend when we first started dating because I was to embarrassed to ask what the hell he was saying! Now I will just give him a look and he knows that whatever he just said made absolutely no sense to me and rephrase it in civilian.

We got engaged on my trip to Italy to see him (SO NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD EVER GO TO ITALY BTW) and after we found out that I was pregnant with my son that gorgeous June wedding turned into a small February wedding in Gatlinburg. Which I love by the way and highly recommend! (Angels View Wedding Chapel)

I have always been in charge of everything for me and my Daughter. Insurance, housing, food, bills you name it I handled it. I was Miss Bossy Mom! Once we were married I had to turn over the reigns and that took some getting used to. I now had a sponsor and I was a spouse/dependent. I had to memorize his birth date & social security number. It completely tripped me out. The first time we went on base together was actually the first time I ever stood beside him in uniform with the exception of his dress blues. We quickly figured out I am intimidated by authority, which my entire family thought was hilarious because I am the uncontrollable mouthy one that won't keep her mouth shut to save her life. Then I walk into the DEERS office and everyone is in uniform. Needless to say it was a very quite trip. I have gotten better but I still get quiet when ever he is uniform I think it is some sort of coping mechanism. There were so many rules!

• Always wear your seat belt on base. (Granted now I am in the habit and wear it all the time.)
• Walk on the left side of him. (Just keeping up with him in general is hard because he walks like he is on a mission.) 
• No kissing or holding hands. 
• Never ever lose your ID. 

Once I was all set up back to Italy he went and I didn't get to see him again until two days before I was induced with our son. I got to keep him for 30 days and then he went back to Italy. Now that we know we are headed to Virginia Beach I am extremely excited and completely terrified. I have never left Alabama/Tennessee and all of my family and friends are here. Then comes all the questions.

Are we going to live on base or off base? 

Am I going to be able to find as good of a job there as I have here in TN? 

How am I going to make new friends? 

What other Navy wife rules do I not know about? 

How many times am I going to embarrass myself in front of his coworkers by not knowing what in the hell they are talking about?

How can I learn to not have resting bitch face and look friendly? 

Just a little tidbit of information....this will also be the first time we live together! So you can understand why I am nervous. We will be moving a probably 6 month old, almost 7 year old, and the dog so its going to be a little scary but the good news is that hopefully I will have him here to help. I try not to concentrate on the worries and fears and concentrate more on learning what it takes to rock out as a Military wife and try my best to be supportive without embarrassing him to much. 

I have found a few blogs that I have found super comforting! So please go check them out! 

The Military Wife and Mom 

Semi Delicate Balance

I will keep everything updated and try to keep calm about all the change ahead of me. I dont know what I am in for or what it is going to be like but I have waited almost three years to be able to see my Husband every day and I will not let anything ruin that. I would love to hear about any experiences or advice! Picture for attention!

Shakeology - The Next Best Thing to a Dessert!

What is Shakeology?

Shakeology is a meal or snack replacement shake from Beachbody that has over 70 amazing ingredients. It would take over 12 trips to the salad bar to eat the same amount of nutrients that are inside every Shakeology shake. Shakeology takes the guess work out of nutrition!

Shakeology can help you:

Lose Weight

Feel Energized 

Increase Metabolism

Improve Digestion and Regularity

Lower Cholesterol

This is not a protein shake or a Slimfast! It is a lifestyle change. Shakelogy is something you will want to have every day. There are thousands of different recipes and different ways to blend them up and with a Vegan option it works for everyone! 

I started my obsession with Shakeology and Beachbody when I was pregnant with my son. I read all the reviews and both good and bad I couldn't wait. Luckily my Husband being the responsible one of the two of us decided it was best to save money until after the baby was born to make sure we didn't have any emergencies. So I waited and watched! After my son was born we looked at our finances and I decided I would give up that $7-$8 breakfast trip almost every morning and the cost would even out. In realty it has actually saved us SO much money. I drink my shake for breakfast and when i travel to keep me from eating junk food. 

So right now Beachbody has an amazing special on their Beachbody On Demand & Shakeology Challenge pack for $160! 

1)	1-Year Membership to Beachbody On Demand with all content included, plus future releases (70% off with the purchase of this Challenge Pack)
2)	Shakeology (choice of 30-day supply on Home Direct)
3)	Portion Fix (includes 7-piece portion control container set, eating guide, large blue container & shaker cup)

 get free shipping)... so there is NO risk! If you would like any help or suggestions just let me know!

Shakeology comes with a 30-day bottom-of-the-bag guarantee!

Buy Shakeology Here!

How Do I Afford Shakeology?!

Our September Challenge group starts soon! Click here to join our group of amazing Moms helping & encouraging other Moms in their weight loss journey! 

HS Hidradenitis Suppurativa: The Struggle

What is Hidradenitis Suppurativa? There will be no personal pictures to this blog just FYI.

It is a painful somewhat gross skin disease for which there is no known cure only ways to manage it. Now keep in mind what I have is considered a mild case but if you are brave enough to google pictures (I would not advise it what so ever!) They can get pretty gruesome pretty fast.

Luckily for me my darling genetics have struck again! So just a little bit of background on what I have going on here with my family history. My Dad's side of the family has the decease of age, like literally all of them live to be well over 90 with little to no medical problems except senility. My Mom's side of the family on the other hand has numerous different types of cancers, some of which are hereditary. She herself has a degenerative eye disease that both my brother, myself, and both my kids had to be tested for, that is slowly making her go blind. (She hasn't been able to see red lights since I was sixteen.) It is almost like a pick your poison kinda thing but up until now I have gotten off scott free!

I started showing symptoms in my early twenties and went to the Dermatologist like you are supposed to do right? That was optimistic at best considering two different Doctors couldn't even figure out why I still had acne and could not get it to clear up even after hundreds of dollars on different creams and potions that were supposed to be a magical cure all. So they told me these bumps were just acne and it would heal and get better with time or an ingrown hair or severe chaffing. Really and truly they had no clue. After the birth of my daughter is got worse, went to a different dermatologist, same thing. "It is just acne, lets try this very expensive cream and it will go away."

I learned to live with it. I learned that tea tree oil helped but after some trial and error also figured out that it eats skin like acid! I became very self conscious and dermablend became my safe haven to be seen in a swim suit! Pretty sure at that point my days of walking around in a skimpy bikini were over. It hurt to walk, run, or pretty much anything that involved moving. The breakouts would hurt so bad that I couldn't do anything but soak in the tub and try not to puke. I started to avoid anything that had to do with a lot of walking but after awhile I started to get used to the pain. I didn't want it to keep me from things that I wanted to do. You can't let it control your life, I know how badly mine hurts and I have seen pictures of people that I am sure cannot walk comfortably or move their arms or their chest.

It wasn't until I was pregnant with my son that my new Doctor (I thank the lord for her, she was by far the best doctor I have ever had!) said "Oh you have HS your poor thing I know that has to hurt." UM EXCUSE ME I HAVE WHAT?!?! Out of now four Dermatologists my OBGYN was the one who knew what it was and explained it to me. I could have feel out of the floor! Years I had no idea what it was or what was causing it and trying to plead my case with my friends explaining that I am not a leper. There I was six months pregnant just balling my eyes out because someone finally told me what was happening to my skin!

As of now I currently have a fantastic Dermatologist that specializes in HS and is working on a treatment plan with me. Granted she explained that it is not curable but it is manageable. I can handle manageable! I will start Humira next week and I will keep everyone updated on how it goes! I would not wish this disease on anyone and I couldn't imagine what having a worse case would be like. For anyone reading this that is also suffering from HS you are not alone and it is not the end of the world even though it does feel like it.

There are a few websites that I used for help understanding so here are a few:

No BS about HS
Daily Strength

My Postpartum Journey

When it comes to pregnancy & having a baby there are no two scenarios alike. My experience with my daughter vs. my son are as different as night & day. When we found out I was pregnant of course there was a minor freak out and a how did this happen moment but after that is was a lot of joy and excitement.

This is how I told my Husband, his reaction was priceless. A 7 hour time difference and this is what he woke up to.

My pregnancy was super easy, like almost way to easy. I had a few weeks of morning sickness but nothing a little nausea medicine couldn't handle. I passed every test I had to take and all of his ultrasounds looked good. (Granted he literally covered his face the entire time!) I actually lost a little bit of weight because I was eating healthier and trying to walk to stay in shape and keep me from having the complications that I had with my daughter. I never missed a day of work and continued to work full time up until the day I was induced. We were induced due to my water looking low three days after my husband came home from over seas. I was so proud of myself for making it to 38.5 weeks with no problems and holding him in until my husband came home. My entire pregnancy I was calm, cool, and collective. I sent him videos of the belly moving & pretty much snapchatted every doctors appointment. There were no emotional meltdowns or crazy spells, I actually really enjoyed my pregnancy. (It would have been better is the hubby was there but it wasn't an option so I didn't dwell.) This is me at 33 weeks.

Grayson's delivery was super easy, quick and it was a experience I will cherish for forever. Everything in the hospital was amazing, I loved all of my nurses and the staff. The room was huge and Grayson breastfed and handled all of his tests and procedures like a champ! We were in pure bliss, surrounded by family and our six year old was beyond excited to finally meet her little brother. I had zero worries and this was my second baby, so what could possibly go wrong? I swear we have to sign off on like six different postpartum questionnaires and we literally laughed at all of them like "NOPE NOT US HAHAHA!" I felt completely normal all i could think about was getting to spend the next thirty days with my amazing husband and new son. I did not have postpartum with my Daughter so I had no idea what was coming for me!

The down hill started when the day after we came home Grayson just decided that he didn't want to breastfeed anymore. Nothing happened, my milk was already starting to come in, and I had bought every breast feeding essential known to man kind! I had been looking forward to this for nine months! I had prepared everything, read every article, and explained to Hubby how excited I was that I would be able to spend this time with him. (Due to my circumstances after my daughter I immediately returned to work and at that time pumps were not covered by insurance and I just couldn't afford one so I didn't even try but the first couple of days then realized it was going to be impossible.) Fast forward 24 hours, Grayson wasn't latching and screaming bloody murder. The milk I was pumping just wasn't enough for him. I knew he was hungry and I didn't know what was wrong. We called the lactation consultant and followed every piece of advice they had and nothing worked. I finally broke down in tears and we went to get formula.

It was a long two weeks following that breakdown. I was determined to pump as much as I could and keep working with him but the more I tried the more he turned away. There wasn't a feeding that went by that I didn't sneak off to the closet or the bathroom and just ball my eyes out but I had a healthy happy baby boy who was having no problem putting on weight or sleeping at night and looked just like his daddy so I kept trying to cheer myself up and gave up the breastfeeding fight.

I started losing all control of these crying spells. Every time I would take a shower, kiss my husband (knowing he would be going back overseas in just a few weeks), and stay up late with the baby because his sleep schedule wasn't quite there yet the tears would just roll and I couldn't explain why. I am not a crier and this was a multiple time a day occurrence. It freaked me out but I figured I would be able to work through it. What was wrong with me? Was I going completely crazy? This can't be normal! Needless to say it was a quick call to the Dr. explaining what was going on and I had a prescription called in for me instantly.

I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I have every reason in the world to be happy but it is a fight every day just to push those complete melt downs aside. My son is now two months old and I am just now starting to get back to normal. Working out has helped, talking with friends, talking with my Husband, and most importantly I think admitting that I actually had postpartum depression was a real eye opener .

I would love to hear about others peoples postpartum experiences and how they got through them. :) Friends are the biggest blessings and when you find some that can keep you from going down a dark tunnel alone you need to be thankful.

Random Facts are Fun!

If you work, work for a goal. If you have goals continue to chase them. If you fail ask for help and get back up. 

My name is Caitlin Russell and I am 29 years old. I am originally from Alabama but now live in Nashville, TN. (Enter random southern draw joke here) I am the typical work my self to death, give me a margarita, oh crap I am late again type Mom. Between work, two kids, and trying to at least keep some type of adult friendships, my brain is slowly but surely starting to turn to complete mush. This is the main reason I wanted to start this blog. I need a way to get the stress and thoughts (some not so nice) out of my mind for someone else to read with just the slim chance that they feel the same way. Random fact #1 I got bored one night and taught myself how to crochet just because I wanted to make my mom a blanket for Christmas. 

 I have two amazing children, Eva who is six and Grayson who will be two months old this week. These kids keep me on my toes 24-7! It is basically like we cloned my husband and myself when it comes to the kids, the only exception being that Eva is way smarter than I ever was. Random fact #2 we refer to my daughter as "the diva" because she started being a tad bit dramatic at birth!

My amazing husband is in the Navy & is currently stationed over seas. Needless to say that completely and utterly sucks but I love him and I am proud of what he does. I was a single mom for 4 years before I met him and it was like he just showed up one day and stole my heart completely out of my chest. Every dream I had given up on had suddenly came back to life and he has been my main form of sanity ever since. (He keeps me calm and the keeps the psycho in the closet) I knew nothing about the military before I met him and I am learning about military life little by little. I never though I would be proposed to in Italy (or even go to Italy for that matter) or plan my wedding in a week but I have loved every freaking second of it! Random fact #3 I had a major panic attack on the flight to Italy because I had never traveled alone but I met a group of amazing older women from Chili who kept me calm and laughing. They even told me I would be coming back home engaged before I even knew. 

I choose to work in Property Management not because of the money (even though it is pretty good) but mainly for the entertainment. If I have to work my life away I want it to be interesting. There is never a dull moment in this business. I have been attacked by strippers, seen my best friend get her leg ripped into by a crazy ladies dog, and met some of my best friends through this business. This will also me a way for me to express the crazy that we have to deal with on a daily basis because I don't think people realize sometimes what it is like to be on the other side of the desk. Random fact #4 if any one in the office knows you by name or your foot steps you are "that resident." 

I can't promise the world through this blog but I can at least give a little bit of humor to who ever reads it. Final Random fact, the only person who thinks i am funny is my six year old!